Never Let This Go
by everyoneisMISunderstood
Summary: Songfic-ish. "I'll never let this go, but I can't find the words to tell you, I don't wanna be alone, but now I feel like I don't know you."    Who was he really? The sweet Eli she cared about, or the dark Eli she wanted nothing to do with?


**(A/N) Right, so I was originally writing a much fluffier fic than this. And then… I saw the last episode of The Boiling Point. Anybody else pissed? I know I am. Lyrics are by Paramore and I don't own them.  
**

_Because I'll never let this go,_

_But I can't find the words to tell you,_

_I don't wanna be alone,_

_But now I feel like I don't know you._

She stumbled out of the building in a blind stupor, gasping for breath. She knew she was on the verge of hyperventilating, but she didn't care. She knew she had the right to be so panicked, it was only normal after all of the night's events.

The cop lights were so bright, Clare had to squint. _Is this really happening?_

When cops stepped out of the school with Fitz, cuffed and looking as demonic as ever, she determined that it was, in fact, happening. Clare tried not to violently shiver when he turned to stare at her, his eyes flashing in a mixture of defiance and a touch of insanity.

It scared her that he felt no regret. When he got out of jail... What would happen? Would he go after Eli again and actually hit his mark?

This time, she did shudder at the awful thought. She could see the blood darkening his already scarlet shirt, his mouth dropping in shock, eyes glazing over. She tried to force the image out of her brain, but she couldn't. She knew she should have been afraid for herself, but she wasn't. After everything he'd done, after all he'd put them through, she still cared about him.

Still _loved_ him.

She couldn't help it. She had to sneak a glance at him.

When she looked up, he was already staring at her, eyes boring into hers, mouth opening as though he longed to offer some condolences but didn't quite know how. _Apologize! _She wanted to scream, but she found that she couldn't bring herself to. She glanced away.

If he'd just been smart, if he'd only listened to her, then maybe this whole thing wouldn't have gotten blown so widely out of proportion. Maybe they couldn't been a normal couple, walking down the hallways, flirting and holding hands, enjoying the sweet bliss of love.

But he didn't listen, and that was _not_ okay.

The more Clare thought about it, the more she began to realize she wasn't angry. She was scared.

Scared not of Fitz, but of Eli.

Clare knew that maybe she shouldn't have blown off that look he'd get on his face, that scary look that spelled out danger, but somehow, she deluded herself into thinking everything would be fine. She cursed her optimism because now, well, she was on the verge of losing her mind.

The one person who could possibly understand the situation she was in wasn't someone she was comfortable around. How could she look at him again without knowing that he'd turn on her like that? The way he turned on Fitz?

She'd seen him glance at her, affection glistening in his gaze as he teased her about Clara Edwin. She'd heard the lilting tone in his voice when he made some offhand comment about the way he really felt about her.

But which one was he? Who was he really?

The sweet Eli she cared about, or the dark Eli she wanted nothing to do with?

Or was he, in some way, both?

It wasn't fair to look at him and not be sure, to not recognize the person standing in front of her. Clare should have been able to glance at him and _know_ him, not sit and stare at him with a confused expression on her face as she wondered, _Who are you, stranger?  
_

Because that wasn't the way love_, _in any shape or form, was supposed to work._  
_

So she had to end it, had to shatter her heart in a thousand unrepairable pieces, even if she wouldn't be able to fully let him go.

**(A/N) I know that this is really, really short, but I don't feel like depressing myself any further. Written as therapy, so I don't need reviews, but they are majorly loved ;)**


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